I can be an emotional person, but oddly enough when a major tragedy happens I rarely cry. That isn't to say that I don't care or that I am not sympathetic to those who have typically been marred by tragedy. Its quite the opposite, I care deeply. In some way, I usually can think of some connection to what has happened. This usually helps with the coping. For example, when the shootings in Newtown occurred, I wasn't visibly upset. Yes, I thought it was heinous and yes, I wish deeply and sincerely that no one should ever have to lose someone they love in a horrific way. But, I never cried. To many friends and colleagues, my reaction was weird because they did cry. I am a teacher and many of those same individuals pointed out that "it could be me." While I agreed with them, it just didn't feel like me crying would make a difference. I was made to feel cold and callous because my reaction wasn't "normal" in comparison to others. When my husband broke the news to me today and I saw the footage and read about it, I got why I cried for Boston, but not for Newtown.
As a teacher, I assume risks. I have practiced every type of emergency drill with my students. I have gone through what happens in case of a suspect in the building. I know where I would put my students, and I have played out every scenario that I could to try and protect them. I feel prepared. Well, as prepared as any individual can when faced with that type of situation. I grew up in the era of Columbine, 9/11, and lived in College Park during the DC Sniper. My generation in particular is no stranger to mass tragedy. Its not that I am numb to it, but that I have to think about the possibility of reacting to the unthinkable. Especially, in the classroom. I have to be prepared to protect my students. That's why Boston bothers me.
As a runner, I prepare for how to run up steep hills. I prepare both mentally and physically for hitting roadblocks at mile 9 or mile 18 or even mile 24. I prepare for just about any possible situation because that is all part of the training process. Never have I ever had to think about a potential tragedy/attack occurring at a race. I am at these events all the time. I plan on running 3 major half marathons in a couple of weeks. Never have I thought anyone would want to hurt me or anyone like me. What is scary is that the spectators were the ones really hurt. The video footage was hard to watch, I couldn't watch more than 2 minutes of it before I was sick. As my husband said on his facebook status,
"Sometimes,
as a journalist, you get chills when breaking news happens. Just
happened. As a husband who just cheered his wife on as she completed her
first marathon in Virginia Beach a few weeks ago, my thoughts with
those in Boston today." To think that could be my husband really breaks my heart. Never should an innocent person who is just there spreading cheer and happiness be a victim. Never should anyone have to worry about those who support them. What's even worse is that it makes others think twice.
I have said time and time again that I truly love running and that I love attending running events. One of the things that I truly love is the crowd. I love running through and seeing excited people offering words of encouragement. I love giving high fives to little kids who are excited to watch you run. It pains me that one event might rob some truly spectacular races of awesome supporters. Those individuals are just as important as the runners themselves. They offer distractions, support, and a smile. They shouldn't have to worry and we shouldn't have to worry about them.
My hope is this. That like me, many other runners won't shy away from what they love because of a tragedy. When talking with my friend, I told her it was scary because of my grueling race schedule. She said she would understand if I didn't want to do it. To me backing out would be the wrong thing to do because rationally, the likelihood of this happening to me at my event is rather small. Also, living in fear and giving up an important part of my life because of one terrible incident is no way to live. The best way to move past and not let someone win is to embrace what is and move on.
I was not personally effected by this tragedy, but it isn't to say that the news did not effect me. I am a runner, I am strong, and I wish that same inner strength to those who are picking up the pieces.
Until next time, remember to keep running.
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