Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Self Discovery...

Today something really cool happened. I had a co-worker come up to me and tell me that they really enjoyed reading my posts about running. It was nice to know someone is reading what I do and that they offered me kudos. Sometimes I wish I got that support from my own family. My husband is supportive, despite making fun of me channeling my inner tortoise when running. But, I don't think my other family gets me. They know I run and they know I complete half marathons, but never once have they actually given me a real acknowledgement to what I do. Most people think its cool, or inspiring, or incredible. My family seems to be very cold about what I do. I don't understand this, but I suppose it has been that way all along. But despite what they think or don't think about my hobby, I am still proud of what I have accomplished. No one can take away from what I was able to train myself to do.

Today I also had a talk with another close friend and co-worker of mine. This woman is an inspiration, she too, used to be obsessed with her job. She is also a breast cancer survivor. It wasn't until she beat cancer that she began to realize what she was missing in life. While I have not had nearly the struggle in life that she has, I understand how she is feeling at this point. We both have managed to find ourselves in the past couple of years. She has morphed into a bad ass biker chick, who could still kick your butt in jeopardy. She has now realized she needs to take time for herself and to enjoy life. I, too, have stopped emphasizing my work life and focused more on the personal. That is where running comes in.  While my family may not get it, those like my co-worker do. Its not because I am a glutton for punishment or because I feel some need to see just how far I can run for the hell of it. I honestly run because I want to and I have made it part of my identity.

I do think what I am doing is cool. I love looking at my medals. I also like thinking that I helped to inspire others of my friends and my husband to take up pounding the pavement. I don't run for those reasons. I run because deep down I want to and deep down its who I am. As John Bingham would say, I am a "penguin."  I may not be the fastest and I will never be the best, but I like what I do. Now that I have started running half marathons, I can't imagine not running them. I enjoy the 3+ hours of solitude where I travel from point A to point B. I need it because it allows me that escape from all of the daily grind that I used to solely identify with.  I am much happier now that I have started running, and so is my health. It may not be perfect but it is getting there. Why do I run? I run for me and only me. Many people have reasons for why they do things, but to give up running now would be giving up a part of myself and I don't think I can do that.

My hope is that even if running is not your thing that you find something you are passionate about and pursue it. It isn't until you pursue something fully that you realize how important it is to you.

Until later...happy running.

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